So today wasn’t too bad. I was nervous to ride the bus and I was scared to meet new people but none of that mattered. I was just scared in general. This is the beginning of the REST OF MY LIFE AND I DONT WANNA GROW UP

PMS-ing and cruises.

i guess its time for me to update. I’ll start when summer started.

SO school ended on a good note. I aced all four of my classes, everything was well. got to hang out with my friends a couple times, hung out wiht them often. everything was good. if you read some of my old posts, everything was pretty emotional for me. i think i was going through a lot of emotions. i was stressed from cb even though it had already ended. there was just so much. i wanted to step down cause of the stress but i also was with them a lot.

anyways… so that was life at the time. THEN i wen to jersey WASSUP. probably one of the best vacations ever. but hold up, lemme start with time periods. haha so when i first got to jersey, it was aite. i was still being bombarded with cbfl stuff and tbh, i was so glad to be out of htx. i wanted to get away from everyone and everything. too much going on. SO that being said. we got there on a tuesday and i got to see basically everyone before we left for the cruise saturday. got to spend lots of time wiht my family, go to go out with my friends and idk. it made me miss it so much BUT its weird, i know jersey has everyone there and everything there but!!! houston is home for me now. i know i lived in jersey city for more than half my life, but houston is home. so yea. we left for the cruise. i was unfortunately hungover. not too bad, but bad enough that the first 3 days on the boat were kinda nauseating. so yea. boat was SO MUCH FUN. normal day was wake up late, pool, bbq by the pool, chill, chill some more, nap by the pool/deck, then shower, get ready for dinner with the family (which happened every night) then show/comedy/musical/ whatever, after dinner, then chill more, first night i jogged and sat but just the first night. haha so yea. that was basically my week. then OH YEA SO THRUSDAY. the 2nd night before we all left. SO… there was this group of asian friends i noticed the first day of the trip. i noticed one guy inparticular. basically, thursday night, me and my cousin went to the club/party they had and we ended up dancing and he bought me a bunch of drink sand i got drunk and we danced. end of story. hahhaa he sucked. the next day, he didn’t say hi to me and i sat right behind him. his friends said hi though! thats it. 

so got off the boat, bascially spent the rest of the time with family and stuff. went home monday night. aka, tuesday morning at like 2 haha sucked. i got home, slept, then went straight to the sta cruz’s for preps. i really don’t know what to say except it was one hell of a month. everything God showed me is too much to even type. i’m just lazy. i’m so blessed and honored to live in such a great city and i love it here more than any other town. i dont even know how else to describe it except i’m too blessed here. conference season is over and the last of the out of towners left yesterday. i cried for M too many times saying bye i can’t even believe how gay i was. i bonded wiht alot of good people and got to do a lot and eat A LOT. i spent moneyy. haha i cried ALOT OMG.. preps were so stressful at some points and i cried a lot. i also got my period at the same time as a lot of them. we all pms-ed together. hahahaha

ummm so thats been my life since then. i’ve been seeing everyone A LOT maybe even too much recently. i need a break to stay home and see my other friends. haha this week will be the week. anyways, thats it. i’m gonna see people again tomorrow. haha

i can’t blieve this post took me like 3 hours. i got distracted and I’m also talking to K a tthe moment. OMG THAT REMINDS ME I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. soo i htink the tuesday or thursday (idk) before youth conference… he pulled me aside after the nightly household and he apologized. HE APOLOGIZED. holy moly. you should’ve seen me. i was so damn nervous. i was not expecting it and i was tapping my leg and biting my nails. anyways, he basically apoligzed for everything. for being mean and stuff. i kept telling him how much i appreciated it all. cause i really do. seriously, i am SO happy he said sorry. then i got to apolgize for everything also. like, form the very beginning. for leading him on and feeling hate towards  him. idk, it was all jsut really good. 

with that, C and i make jokes all the time but secretly (not really) i’m actually realyl sad about the jokes of us never getting together. like, i keep thinking about how happy we were and how much he meant to me and stuff. ugh. idk anymore. idk if i like him. i dont think i do, but i keep thinking about the happiness. i mean same thing with K. i think the only thing keeping me from letting go of him is how hot he is. lulz. but also how happy he made me. ugh happiness man. idk. not that i can’t have hapiness without them, cause i’m really happy now, but yea. it was nice to share it with that certain someone. 

i think NOW i’m done. idk what else to say. long post or long post (HAHHAH) i just gottaletitoutbitches ;)

peace. 

And also, it was gottaletitoutbitches.tumblr.com ‘s 3rd birthday last Thursday. Crazy huh?? Hahaha

SO MANY EMOTIONS, SO LITTLE TIME TO BLOG.

JK, IM ACTUALLY JUST REALLY LAZY

also, i forgot my caps lock was on ^^^

Self-esteem

vvvvvvvvvvvv

I’m a killjoy for saying this but I’m so homesick

Mentioning and hearing.

As always, K brings up a good point and gives me advice that I hate hearing cause he’s always right.

My last post about someone fighting for me: am I worth fighting for?

And other things I don’t want to mention. Love him, but also hate him for always being right. Ugh.

Short and very very sweet, I gottaletitoutbitches ;)

Peace.

I just want a boyfriend. Is that too much to ask for?

You know, I used to hate on those people who “saved their yes” cause it just sounded like a bunch of bs but isk. I want my heart to be fought for too you know? Just someone to love me and to fight for me. That’s all.

Currently singing Dear No One by Tori Kelly haha

I’ll make a longer catchup post later but can I just say.. My cruise is in less than 2 weeks but the, idgaf if I’m fat. All I wanna do is eat cause my stupid period is giving me so many cravings 😭

Why do girls wear fake glasses. Like c’mon!! Glasses can be accessories IF you don’t have 20/20. Like wtf is wrong with these girls. Tryna be cool. Yea, and I’m just here tryna find a place to buy cheap contacts cause I hate my glasses sometimes.

Uncomfortable.

Mel: oh papa! Haha did you see that picture on fb?? So funny. We look awkward and uncomfortable huh haha
Papa: haha that’s funny. I’m gonna like it on fb
Mel: why
Papa: oh idk. Just because. Huehuehuehue. You know what? Maybe I should have wings with him. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll go out just the two of us
Mel: (wtf) -_____- why??
Papa: idk. Just because. Why not?
Mel: cause that makes me uncomfortable
Papa: why
Mel: cause it just does
Papa: why
Mel: just cause ok papa?
Papa: why
Mel: papa that’s so weird. Why would eat with him only. We went for weeks, no months!of not talking at all
Papa: why? Maybe you were being a female dog. It was probably you huh
Mel: are you serious? Me??

Don’t really wanna go deeper cause tbh, I forgot how it ended. I awkwardly walked away as we continued to debate to who’s problem it was and went upstairs. It was really both of ours but c’mon…. Wtf is he thinking. So uncomfortable.

66 and jiffy.

I guess I’ll post since I’m at Honda and I have nothing to do but be hungry and waste my phone battery. It was at 100 earlier. Now it’s at 66. Haha

Anyways, been thinking a lot. I hope this little little crush doesn’t develop. PLEASE don’t let it grow. UGH IT SERIOUSLY CANT. I can’t let it happen, nor will he ever ever ever see me that way. Also, all the girls he’s into looks completely different from me. Also, from what his ex tells me, he’s pretty freaky and that’s weird. Hahaha

Also, been thinking a lot about K. Getting to talk to him more recently (not really talk but you know..) I’ve realized the bad things of when we were friends. I remember when he was super mean and would make fun of me all the time. I also remember when he would call out my brother and that’s NOT ok either. Point is, I’m remembering the things I didn’t like about him and why I was iffy at first.

This is all good huh? Well, I think it is. My feelings are moving right along. Just can’t let it get to the other person. PLEASE T_____T just too much time together.

Currently at 61 percent now. Maybe I should nap huh? I’m sleepy af. Still waiting. In the meantime I just gottaletitoutbitches ;)


Peace.

I’m just so drained.

Post about how busy and tired and drained I am from this week. Monday, I worked, Tuesday, got to chill with some Katy people at my house then hh at night. Wednesday went to the mall with K and just hung out. Thursday is where the craziness starts. Hung out with the 3 K’s, C and B then had work at 4 then went out to KARAOKE that night. Got drunk. Woke up the next morning for work from 11-7 but of course, I stayed an extra 30 minutes cause I had to. Then went home and forgot I had a meeting online at 10 so I couldn’t sleep. Then this morning woke up, went to K’s graduation, went out with eat with all them, then came home. Went to confession then went out and did stuff with my family then tomorrow, is Kolbe’s baptism and idk if I’m going to the filhoops game. But anyways, ummmm yea. Think I wanna just chill all week cause I’m so damn beat.

I rhymed. Hu hu hu.

Farts and Katy.

I think I only post on here when I’m in a bad mood. Lemme post about something good.

Anyways, i’ve been feeling pretty happy these past couple of days. Just happy. Getting to see my blessings unfold in front of my eyes and just see how God is pouring blessing upon blessing to me is just….. Idk man. I’m just happy. I’m sitting on my stairs now farting like crazy. Idk why I’m gassy. But yea, I’m pretty happy. Yesterday I got to hang out with K and shop for NOTHING. Ugh. Day before that got to see some people from Katy. Day before that I worked. I mean, work always sucks but it’s summer now and college kids are back so work is more fun. Idk, Id rather be with them than the old people. But! Don’t really feel comfortable seeing S. He makes it so awkward. Ugh Anyways. That’s it. Happy or sad, I gottaletitoutbitches ;) Peace.

Seth and pouring rain.

So K called and we talked for about 2 hours. Too long if you ask me. Idk why he calls me randomly but I don’t mind. Haha then I called the other K back and we talked for about an hour and a half. We hung up cause I’m so sleepy and tired but let’s be real, I ain’t fallin asleep with all this rain pouring outside. Aka, I’m scared as heck………

Anyways, I seriously need to sleep. I gotta wake up early and spend 200 to get a stupid key. UGH too much.

That reminds me, a patient came in today and his last name was Macfarlane like Seth Macfarlane. So I asked jokingly if he was related to him and he laughed and said no. Work was good today. Praise God. Hopefully this summer isn’t too bad huh

That’s it. Sleepy and scared, I gottaletitoutbitches ;)

Peace.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY