So, I come home excited to see my parents and I’m all happy and whatever, but they can’t even frikin talk to me. They care more about their emails and their Filipino dramas and need and shit. Like wtf.
I haven’t seen them all week and I just wanna be able to sit down with them and talk to them and spend time with them but they can’t even give me a few minutes of their time. I even offered to give up my Friday night of hanging out with my friends but they can’t even take a few seconds to get off their damn laptops and iPads to suggest we do something.
That’s how it’s gonna be? Ok. Ima be out all weekend. Who cares. Cause this time I made an effort to try, you can’t even give me a few minutes to ask how I am. Screw you. Ugh, I’m so emotional and frustrated and I need a friend. Whatever. Pms-ing or not, I just gottaletitoutbitches ;)
Peace. Or not, doesn’t matter.
I had a dream we are in union city at my Lola Onding’s apartment and we were eating in the parking garage and there was this really pretty girl that apparently you knew and you’ve partied with before and stuff and you teased that I was fob and that I didn’t know anything and tbh, it was kinda mean and so after we ate, you tried putting your arms around me and saying sorry but I swiped it off as fast as I could and I said “don’t touch me. Don’t come near me”
Point of the story is, I’m not ready to see you with another girl. I’ll have to, but for right now, I’m not prepared yet. I won’t say anything and I’ll just suck it up but idk man, it’ll hurt. And it’ll hurt bad.
I guess I still like you then huh? Not love. Just like. Maybe a little. Who knows.
Dream or reality, I just gottaletitoutbitches ;)
every time i feel like shit and i wanna just run back to them and love them and bring everything I’ve gotten up to this point back into the sewer, i read my old post (LINK) and feel better. not really better, but i have hope again. hope that i can get through all the bullshit I’ve been going through. hope that i can stop relying on them and go my sisters. hanging out with k and d has actually changed me a lot. i love them with all my heart and i’m so glad we get along. as weird as it is that k and k are siblings (ha, did i trick you? jk), i love being able to talk to her. she gets it. she understands how he is and how hard it is to deal with him and what i need to do. but anyways, yea that post. so thankful i wrote it before all this. writing it, I’m 100% sure i didn’t know what i meant, but now i do. hope.
Yup, iiimmmmm an idiot…….
You know, I always try to give the vibe that I don’t give a flip about you and I don’t care and all this shit, but deep down, I’m hurting. A lot. And it sucks cause you don’t even know it. Not that I want your attention, but sometimes I just want you to know just to know. People tell me I’m strong and that I’ve been through so much, but let’s be honest. I’m not. At all. I’m very weak and I shouldn’t miss you but I do. I shouldn’t want to talk to you but I do. I shouldn’t be thinking about you and me all the fcking time but I do. Getting over you is what i should really be doing.
Like wtf is wrong me. I can’t get over you and how perfect we work together and how much you mean to me. Yea piece of cake right? WRONG. ABSOLUTELY FCKING WRONG. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE SAYING THOSE THING BECAUSE FUCK YOU. And then fuck you. Hahahahahah jkjkkjjkkkkkkjkkjjkkjkk. I just miss having a friend. It’s weird cause now, I talk to your sister all the time. Hahaha you know, all I need is a friend. I don’t care what we’ve been through or what we did to each other but I just need your friendship again. Idc if I still have feelings, but stop being so damn inconsistent. It hurts me. I’ve already told you this before too and it worked. But now that I don’t want to fight for you anymore, I don’t get shit for anything.
Idk what to say tbh. I just wish you the best and I pray for you all the time and hope I get over you soon. It’s not a hope, it’s more like a necessity.
Gosh why are you guys like on my freaking ass?? I need to see a doctor. It hurts when I breathe and My chest is hurting. Wtf is wrong with seeing a doctor. So what if it’s not your doctor. Tbh, idgaf. I just wanna see someone that can help me. Damn.
Oh and it’s not my fault you were effing slamming on the window. I couldn’t hear what the guy was saying and I still don’t know what he said. I laughed because if how annoying you were so fck
Whatevvvssss have a nice and gottaletitoutbitches haha
Aaaallltriiighttt I seriously can’t take this anymore. I’m not sleeping right, I can’t sleep at all if that helps, my mind is racing, I wanna go away and just be able to relax, I miss Lola Onding, I want to be with nana and dada, my heart still hurts cause of c and k, I don’t want to be lonely anymore, I don’t want to be sad anymore, I’m physically and emotionally tired, there’s so much going on and I just need rest.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m leaving this all up to God and letting Him take me, but that doesn’t stop me from being tired. I’m at peace. Just very very tired.
Tired or energetic you just gottaletitoutbitches ;)
It’s hard the believe the last post I wrote. I can deal with not seeing you two for a good while and not talking to you at all, but when I see you, it’s like a whole avalanche just started right on my heart. Last night I couldn’t concentrate, I didn’t know how to act, I tried to ignore it as best I could, and at canes, UGH man. I wanted to throw up out of feeling so sick. It’s like everything and all my feelings are starting over again and I don’t know how to deal with them. Again.
You know, this is kinda weird but also very good. In a way… Keeping all this to myself and not talking to both of you for almost a week now is good! There will be times when I just wanna cry and I feel alone, but fck that. I’m a big girl learning to do keep my space and be on my own. Slowly but Shirley. I’ve been noticing some off things, but I’ll shave that for another (lamp)post. Ha. It feels nice not having drama but I do miss it. I miss talking to you guys and making me smile and laugh and forget about my problems. But whatever. I’m finding happiness in other things. Like getting my reading done and family and friends and all that. This will be a good semester. None of you guys better take that away from me. But I do still miss it. Woo. Like I said, solely but surely (temple).
Anyways, I’ve been working a lot. A lot a lot a lot a lot. Worked 34 hours last week then 38 the week before but ayyyy wassup big paychecks. Gonna pay off school then get that tattoo. Haha school has been stressful. So much damn reading and hw to do. I hate online classes. Which reminds me, gotta submit that application to UH soon. Woo. Family is aite. Everyone is fighting a lot but is ok. Idk what else.
I thought this post was to those two specific people but I think I just need to rant. But I guess this is also towards them. I mean, I haven’t talked to either in so long soooo this is my ketchup to you.
Doesn’t matter if this is overdue or scatterbrained, I just gottaletitoutbitches ;)